Humility has never been my strong suit. Not that I’m conceited or arrogant. Those are not my particular afflictions. But I am willful. I like to affect my world, and I like the world to conform to my expectations.
This is not unusual, I know. It is why faith traditions offer specific teachings on humility.
1 Peter 5:5 advises “Clothe yourselves in humility” and Proverbs 11:2 tells us that “with humility comes wisdom.” The Buddha taught “when respected, be mindful of humility.” And Quran 25:63 states, “And the servants of the Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth humbly.” Luminaries of the secular world also honor this virtue. “I prefer an attitude of humility,” wrote Albert Einstein, and stated he felt “utter humility toward the unattainable secrets of the harmony of the cosmos.”
So I get that humility is a quality to be cultivated. Yet as a privileged American raised in the latter half of the 20th Century, I hold other values that sometimes collide with my intention to defer. As I came of age, the second wave of feminism was sweeping the world. My increasing awareness that women were taught, even required, to humble themselves fueled a resolve to discover, honor and express my own views.
Self~assertion, willfulness in fact, became a trait I consciously nurtured. As I awakened to other isms~~classism, racism, ageism, heterosexism, ableism~~I knew a meek acceptance of what is was not an appropriate response. Such institutional inequities implore us to take a stand, to act boldly for the greater good.
The religious dogma of my childhood, often used to justify the status quo, gave way as new voices began to weave through my spiritual tapestry. Christianity’s liberation theology encourages us to enact, in the most wounded places of our world, the commandment given by Jesus: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Engaged Buddhism carries a similar message.
So back now to humility. It seems a tension exists between bold action and acceptance, self~assertion and deference, and even self~love and a humble revamping of our personal flaws. Though perhaps if we look more deeply, this paradox can be resolved or at least softened.
Acceptance of what is does not assume inaction. Asserting our views can be done while deferring to another’s right to an opposing perspective. And working with personal flaws is best done from a place of overall love for our precious and imperfect selves. In fact, substantive change is most effective when approached in the spirit of loving camaraderie.
Maybe this is what humility in action looks like. Accepting it all, just as it is. Stepping forward in a way that seems best. Ensuring that those steps arise from a place of love…for ourselves, for others, and for the world itself.
Though humility was seldom my focus, it was always in the wings. It was there whenever I opened my heart, listened without judgment to another’s perspective, or recognized their need as equal to or greater than my own. Yet I have realized over these last few years that it is time to give humility center stage. It is time to defer to humility itself and give it the limelight.
And that young woman who still lives inside me has discovered something astounding. She has learned there is joy in yielding, relief in surrender. The laying down of certitude and the need to prevail has its own reward.
My friend’s therapist once told her “Learn Buddhism now. You’re going to need it later.” Perhaps it’s the same with humility. Like it or not, we are all going to need it later. And if spiritual teachers are to be believed, we need it right now.
There is a sweet message in Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” This does not mean we do nothing in the face of misconduct, or that we sacrifice our own needs. But to bear with one another in love? That is something worth striving for. Rumi put it this way: “A lover knows only humility, he has no choice.”
May we all be lovers.
Leia
