Be The Medicine

I am in tears after listening a second time to the speech given by Sara Bareilles upon receiving an honorary degree from Berklee School of Music. She begins by saying, "It's so scary out here. People are lonely and afraid...(Everything is very) weird right now." To recognize the truth of that statement, one needs only to glance at the news, or travel a few miles down a highway teeming with crazy drivers drunk on road rage, or listen to the messages from an Earth in distress. 

Though used in a completely different context, there's a line in my current favorite novel, The Girl in the Road, by Monica Byrne, that beautifully captures my all~too~common experience these days. I am living in "a state of perpetual incredulity." I cannot believe what is happening to my country. Of course I know that America has always had a pronounced shadow side, that money has controlled policy, and that an underbelly of repression has lead to many thousands being marginalized in myriad ways. 

But good golly, what we're seeing now is something of a different magnitude altogether~~social programs for those in need dismantled, environmental safeguards gutted, financial disparity set to grow, and even talk, for pete's sake, of invading, oh, excuse me, annexing Canada. While I do hope that what's unfolding will cause many to rethink the decisions they made at the polls last November, we can't wait for that. We each need to respond appropriately right now. 

And that's the beauty of Bareilles' rousing speech. She charges us with "being the medicine," and she calls this sacred work. She doesn't deny that, "It's hard and it's messy and it's uncertain and there are so many trap doors, but there are so many trampolines." To find those trampolines, "you just have to keep telling the truth. Whatever that is, your blunt, broken, beautiful, perfectly imperfect human truth with a capital T. That is the medicine. You already have it and you can trust it. It will guide you to the next right thing." 

In my other current favorite novel, Stone Yard Devotional by Charlotte Wood, a character refers to the Buddhist concept of dharma. Dharma is not a simplistic spiritual teaching, but rather a nuanced and multilayered one. As used by Wood, it speaks to the importance of living in alignment with our moral duties and life purpose, to use the skills we possess in a way that ultimately brings us closer to an inner calling that is ours alone. "If you don't live the life you are born for, it makes you ill," states Wood's character, Helen Parry. "You must live according to your own dharma, even if you could be very successful living someone else's." Otherwise, "you will cause grave spiritual injury to yourself." 

But how do we know what our dharma is and how best to enact it within our lives? There are no simple answers, though after sitting with hundreds of people in my 44~plus years as a psychotherapist, I am convinced that the answers to such questions lie within each of us. Our dharma arises from the intersection of our unique essence and the raw material of our individual lives. 

To find it, we must first do the work of deeply knowing ourselves, and intuiting where our passion and our talents lie. The true art of being fully human, though, comes with the next step~~ascertaining according to that dharma and within the unique details of our lives and personal spheres, how to step forward in the best possible way, while also adjusting those steps as conditions change. 

It is doable, but not easy. "The truth does not offer you the path that is frictionless and smooth and AI and free of blemishes," Bareilles warns. "Truth with a capital T asks you to be willing to lose everything to get closer to her. To have the courage to be demolished in her honor by opening up wider and wider to this staggering, awesome, complicated, heartbreaking, brilliant life, to bear witness to what is joyful but also to what is painful with the same curiosity and respect and love." 

Bareilles' video was sent to me by a woman whose heart is breaking from what she sees happening in our country and to our planet. Her dharma in that moment included sending me the link to that video, and mine in this moment has been to share its essence with you. 

"We live in a world of darkness and light," Bareilles concludes, "and they are both great teachers. Whatever you do, keep telling your truth to the world. It's your unique medicine...You are the medicine." 

I wish us each well figuring out our dharma and living our medicine to the best of our abilities, day in and day out. It will look different for you than it will for me, different for each of us one day than on the next. Yet this is truly our calling. It is what we're here to do. 

Will it shift things in the outer world? I don't know, but that seems the wrong question to ask. We are here to come fully alive as ourselves, and the only questions worth asking are how do we do that, what will it look like, and how do we share it with the community that holds us? 

I am the medicine, and so are you. Be the medicine. It is the life you were born for.

Much love,

Leia

You can listen to the instagram post of Bareilles' speech by clicking here.

To Live Is To Fly

As I've mentioned in these posts before, my husband and I enjoy reading aloud. Usually, I read and he listens. While I jokingly say it's the only time I have his full and undivided attention, the truth is we both find this activity soothing, connecting, and enriching. Last week, he pulled a book from the top shelf, one we'd both read ages ago but had given little thought to since. We are now enjoying Demian, by Herman Hesse. In it Hesse continues to explore in a fictional format his fascination with Jungian systems of thought. 

One such theme is the need to come to terms with the contradictions within oneself. There is much good and bright and positive within us. However, there is also much we'd rather avoid, that we'd even like to hide from ourselves and others. Jung believed that if we are to become whole and fully ourselves, we must know all that lies within, denying nothing. Our job is find a way to hold the tension between the light and dark in our own natures, while also finding a way to form an alliance, perhaps even peace, between them. 

This is the main task of the protagonist in Demian. However, in the process Hesse also applies this theme to society at large and to our spirituality. It was in my reading his book years ago that I first encountered the conception of God as Abraxis. Abraxis is described as "the god above gods," the force that gives rise to that which is good and to that which is dark. One character in Demian describes Abraxis as "a godhead whose symbolic task is the uniting of the godly and devilish elements" within ourselves and our world. 

The "godly and devilish elements" of human nature are in the spotlight in our society today, as the best of human nature and its worst have taken the stage for all to see. While they've always been there, things do seem starker now and with higher stakes attached. As Adrienne Maree Brown famously put it years ago, "Things are not getting worse, they are getting uncovered. We must hold each other tight and continue to pull back the veil." 

No easy task, this looking open~eyed at that which is ugly. Yet if we are to see with true vision, we must. Luckily, there is light to balance the dark. Goodness overflows in response to darkness. One could even say there is a conversation always occurring between these polarities. We may not always converse well, but this always gives rise to that which gives rise to a new this. 

A dear woman recently sent me For When People Ask, a poem by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. "I want a word that means okay and not okay" her poem begins, "more than that: a word that means devastated and stunned with joy. I want a word that says I feel it all at once." 

Yes! I want that word, one large enough to hold both the agony and the ecstasy, the hope and the fear. Both are part of my current experience, and instinctively I know that if I collapse into either one of them I do myself harm, and become less whole than I yearn to be. 

This is the task of humankind. We live amid polarities, best expressed in pictorial form by the Yin~Yang symbol, showing a circle divided into two equal portions by a curving line—one side light, the other dark—but both part of the same unified whole. We live within that unified whole, no matter how disparate the sides seem. Our task is to see it all, honor it all, and find a wholesome way to bring our talents to interact with it effectively and in a way that brings meaning to our lives and grows our soul. 

We can do this. We are even equipped to do this. Trommer's poem goes on to say that "the heart is not a songbird, singing one note at a time." She then employs the metaphor of a Tuvan throat singer, who "is able to sing both a drone and simultaneously two or three harmonics high above it." 

I long for a word that at once means devastated and stunned with joy, but I suspect that word may not be a word at all, but the path forward that we each craft and walk step by step. Together, as Brown puts it, holding one other tight as we walk. 

Trommer ends her poem by saying that the heart "blesses us with paradox, so we might walk more openly into this world so rife with devastations, this world so ripe with joy." Rife and ripe, we walk into the future that awaits us. And we walk into it together. As one. 

But perhaps walking it the wrong metaphor to capture the feel of that forward movement. This morning, our musician friend Micky Sinko sang To Live Is To Fly, a seventies~era song by Townes Van Zandt. Its chorus goes like this: "To live is to fly, low and high. So shake the dust off of your wings, and the sleep out of your eyes." 

Yes, let's shake off that dust and wipe the sleep from our eyes, so we can see truly the low and the high. And since to live is to fly, let us fly. Whether it be low or it be high, my friend, fly.

Much love,

Leia

You can find Trommer's poem here and a recording of To Live Is To Fly here.

Wanted: Candles In The Dark

We hope you'll consider joining us for this daylong event designed for those seeking a soulful way through the challenges that are playing out right now in our country and in the world. We've also attached a short video to introduce ourselves, because we understand being hesitant to sign up for something when you know little to nothing about the facilitators. That video is just below the flyer. Please reach out with any questions...and of course to register! We'd love to have you join us, if it feels right. PLEASE NOTE NEW DATE!!!

Much love,

Ksenya and Leia

 

Shoots Unfurl

Yeeha!!! Spring has arrived and with it comes all that we love about the season... the thirst for new growth, the delight of unfurling, the opportunity to shine in novel ways for the simple joy of doing so. 

We are not alone. It seems that most living things, in the northern hemisphere anyway, are feeling something similar. Birds busy themselves with courting and nest~building. The dogs in our neighbor's yard seem friskier than usual, tearing up and down the fence line with glee. The trees outside my window have buds beginning to form on still~bare branches, and I'm pretty sure that trees at lower altitudes already have delightful blossoms and fresh green leaves aplenty. 

Things have been so dry that hopefully my mountain town will yet get a few more snowstorms before winter bids us a final goodbye, but there's no question that we have been swept forward into something new. What better time to pause, come to center, and sense what calls us forward. Let's do that now.

Begin by bringing your focus to your core, wherever you conceive that to be in your body. Feel or pretend you feel a thrumming there, an energy growing stronger, the expression of your own unique sap on the rise. 

With your next inhalation, feel or pretend you feel that vitality intensifying. As the breath releases, imagine that vibrancy extending throughout your body. The next inbreath strengthens this fire in your core, radiating it outward on the exhalation that follows. 

Continue this breathing pattern for several cycles of breath, welcoming spring's uptick of energy on the inhalation and letting it move through you on the outbreath. As you do so, also feel yourself dropping into this moment, just as it is, just as you are. 

Nothing more is asked of you than this simple opening to the life already coursing through you, and allowing it to grow stronger, brighter, more robust as you offer it the gift of your attention. You may want to close your eyes for a bit, as you continue to breathe in this way. 

Are you ready now for some wilder imaginative work? Of course you are! Ask your critical mind to step aside as you embrace your childlike capacity for make~believe and pretend~play. 

Imagine a seed residing within your core—an impulse, an urge, a dream, or an unknown something that thirsts and hungers to expand and shine outward, just as you imagined your breath radiating out earlier. 

Offer that seed the gift of your presence, and as you do so, see or pretend you see it begin to vibrate. It quivers and it shakes, dancing with the spiritedness of new life ready to burst free and out into the world. 

Sure enough, a tiny crack appears on the seed's surface. As you watch, this crack grows larger as the seed begins to break open. This is in no way harsh, but instead has the feel of organic breakthrough with an enthusiasm for expression. 

A tender shoot emerges from within that broken~open seed and begins to unfurl. See it stretch itself from a space that has become too cramped for the lifeforce it contains, a life force that wants to move through it and out into the world. 

Feel this sprout's delight at the space now available for expansion, for growth, for discovering what and who it can become. As the energy at your core continues to fuel this outward blooming, let your human mind likewise open. 

Loosen your grip on who you believe you are and can be. Imagine the energy of this expanding seed flinging off limiting beliefs—self~imposed or those bequeathed by others. Those restrictions are flicked away, becoming sparks that sing out the vibrancy of the new growth that is yours. 

As those constraints are hurled away, listen for the voice of your own personal wisdom or of Spirit, however you understand that to be. Open to messages about how this time of new growth, this new spring, wants to express itself within your very human life. 

Perhaps you receive a glimpse of who you truly are, and who you could be in the world if you only believed it possible. Let yourself know, in the safety of this meditation, that it IS indeed possible. 

The dance of life has your back. It courses through you now, cheering you on and offering its consistent support for your becoming. New growth is on its way. The humming deep in your core proves it. If you don't feel it right now, it's okay. It carries you anyway. 

The season of spring has arrived and is laying its claim upon you. Welcome it. Use its energy to send your dreams out into the world. Be all you can be as this season of growth sweeps you forward. 

For my part, I will be facilitating Candles In The Dark, A Collage~Vision Board Event, designed for those wanting to find a fitting and soulful response to the events happening in our country. Rescheduled from last month, it will now take place in Pueblo on April 29th. You can find more on my website at https://www.in~awe.net, including how to contact me with questions or to register. 

No matter where spring takes you, I wish you effusive expansion, my friend. Be more fully the gift to the world that you already are, that only you can be.

With love and delight,

Leia

Candles in the Dark

A dear soul recently forwarded me this excerpt from a conversation between sweet hobbit Frodo Baggins and wise and wily wizard Gandalf as reported in The Fellowship of the Ring, the first book in J.R.R. Tolkien's epic Lord of the Rings trilogy. 

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 

Many are expressing similar sentiments these days. Rest assured, this post will not catalog the plethora of truly frightening actions being taken by those now in power. Their agenda was quite openly shared in Project 2025 after all, with things unfolding exactly as promised. Taking Gandalf's counsel to heart, I will not lament what is occurring, though lamentation certainly deserves its rightful place. I will explore instead the choices available to each of us as we determine "what to do with the time given us." 

A clear choice has been presented. Do we give ourselves over to despair, fear, hate and apathy, or do we instead offer ourselves as vehicles for love finding, as Krista Tippett put it, "ways to live open~eyed and wholehearted in the world as it is and not as we wish it to be"? 

While most of us would choose the latter option, it's easy to become stymied, overwhelmed, feeling not up to the task, and doubtful that we can have any effect at all when things seem so bleak. If we succumb to that way of thinking, we are doomed. For the good of the whole, as well as the ongoing vitality of our own souls, we must resist collapsing into helplessness and the lethargy it gives rise to. While the specifics will be as varied as we are, we must each find our own unique way forward. These have been my responses thus far: 

• I have shored up my spiritual practices. Meditation, prayer, and ceremony are given a place of honor in my days, as I know they are essential in maintaining a vital connection to Spirit. 
•  I commemorated Inauguration Day by setting up monthly contributions, small though they may be, to organizations dedicated to protecting democracy, helping those in need, supporting women's rights, and addressing climate change. 
•  I practice humility daily, recognizing how little I truly know and surrendering to what is. While I am certainly not always successful, I attempt to greet what comes without judgment, strengthening my radical acceptance muscle in the process. 
•  I say yes when inspiration strikes, without debating its effectiveness. The outcome is truly none of my business, while how I choose to act is. 

Regarding that last point, I have been struck by how many people are reeling from recent events. The woman who cut my hair last week, the 90~year~old widower up the street I visited this morning, and the vast majority of family, friends, and clients. The degree of upset is truly astounding. 

While it breaks my heart, I don't see such distress as a bad thing, as it means people are paying attention. Support and a chance to share with like~minded others is needed, though, to reorient and find a wholesome response to what is occurring. 

Therefore, I will be facilitating a day~long collage/vision boarding event on March 15th, with my dear friend Ksenya O'Banion. This in~person gathering will be held in Pueblo, with online attendance offered for those who are homebound or live out of the area. (Please note: this event has been rescheduled for April 19th in~person, with an online option planned for the future) Ceremony and small group discussion will be woven throughout the day, which will be divided into two parts. 

The morning will offer an opportunity to give voice to our reactions and express them through images, words and color. With those truths told, the afternoon will find us freed up to turn our attention to how we'd like to respond to the realities of this time, both internally and outwardly, again creating a visual, this one to hold our personal intentions. 

Contact me if you're interested in knowing more. We'd love to have you join us. And please don't be intimidated by the artsy portion of the day. After all, it's what you did in preschool—slapping glue on paper and pressing down. You can surely do it now! 

In an email that dropped into my inbox today, Krista Tippett shared a Jewish teaching story that is quite relevant. "In the beginning of creation," she writes, "the light of the universe was shattered into a million pieces, which lodged as shards inside everything and everyone. Our calling, as human beings, is to look for the light from where we stand, to call it out, to gather it up—and in so doing, to help repair the world." 

It is time to gather up the light now, my friends, and to do our part, as insignificant and ineffectual as it may seem, to repair our world. As we do it together, none can know the ripples that will be sent forth or their ultimate result, each and every one of us to step forward as the voice of love and courage. 

As I wrote earlier, the outcome is truly none of our business. Our assignment is take our shard of light and magnify it, each one of us in our own unique way, for the good of all.

Much love, my fellow candles. Shine brightly for all the world to see!

Leia

Hold Onto Your Hats, My Friends

Oh, what a time it is! Those who know me well can imagine how devastated I feel at what I see unfolding in the larger society. You will also, though, have reason to guess that I am not only devastated. To the extent that I am able, I refuse to let despair claim me. 

I want to believe that humankind can turn this around, for ourselves and for the other beings who occupy this glorious planet with us. I don't know if we will, but what I do know is that it's best to act as though we can. Not in a passive form of trusting all shall be well, but in an active way, as in "If we're to turn this around, with my disposition and my gifts, what role will I play?" 

Let us pause now for a message from our sponsors. There is so very much happening in the sky right now that can offer a helpful perspective for what is unfolding around us. For readers who find astrology silly, feel free to scroll through your phone for the next few paragraphs. 

The outer planets have a special significance in astrology. Less personal that those closer to the Sun, they are seen as having particular impact on the larger society and can lend insight into the way the collective functions. These planets are Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. 

Because of their distance from the Sun, their orbits are lengthy. For example, it takes Jupiter 12 earth years to orbit the Sun, while Pluto takes a whopping 248. Just like Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars move through the signs of the zodiac as they orbit, so do the outer planets. However, because these planetary giants take so long to orbit, they remain in a particular sign much longer as well. 

Each zodiac sign has its own unique qualities, as does every planet. When a planet transits through a particular sign, its own energy takes on the hues of that sign, its particular signature, for example making Pluto feel very different in Capricorn than it does in Aquarius. 

Given their societal effects, when these planets move from one sign to another, they often signal significant cultural shifts. For the first time ever, every single one of these planets will have changed signs in a mere 9 months. Transformational Pluto moved into Aquarius in November, mystical Neptune will slide into Aries at the end of March, structure~driven Saturn enters Aries in May, expansive Jupiter will be in Cancer come June, and rabble~rousing Uranus becomes a Gemini wild card in early July. 

For those who credit such things, this is recognized as truly astounding. Over a very short period of time, each and every planet that informs the collective will have begun a remarkable shift in energy. Hold onto your hats, my friends. That much change is bound to be destabilizing. And yet, if we commit ourselves to the long view, destabilization doesn't have to be bad. Not at all. When things~~structures, attitudes, perspectives~~have served their purpose, they must fall apart so something new can be born. 

Okay, let's come back to Earth after that brief foray into our own small slice of cosmos. What's a human to do when faced with that kind of change, change that may feel~~and be~~life~altering? For starters, we would do well to find ways to steady ourselves. 

Think of a spinning wheel. If we place ourselves on the rim, we will at the very least become dizzy, though it's more likely we'll find ourselves needing to grip hard, white~knuckled and holding on for dear life. The hub of the wheel is a much more stable placement. In terms of our current discussion, that means centering ourselves frequently, dropping down into that which is eternal amid all that is jumbly, uncertain, and shifting. 

If you have spiritual practices that provide this, use them often and with greater commitment at this time. If you don't, it is time to develop some. We needn't go through this on our own. The guidance of the ages ever offers itself to us, particularly in times of great change. Meditation, prayer, immersion in nature, pausing to breathe with full awareness, enacting gratitude moment by moment, deeply sharing with others...any of these and more are available to us. We need them now and in the days to come. 

Grounding ourselves is the first essential step. The next is where it gets exciting. We get to decide the part we will play in what is unfolding. When we don't offer our dollop~full of energy to despair, fear and anger, we can give it to that which is life~affirming. 

We return now to the question posed at the beginning of this essay: "If we're to turn this around, with my disposition and my gifts, what role will I play?" While I don't have it all figured out by any means, I do have an inkling of my own answer. 

I will remember that, if hate is contagious~~and I think we can all see now that it is~~love must be as well. I will practice love. I will open actively to my personal conception of the Divine through the avenues available to me. I will reinforce my intention to hold that connection to Spirit more fully, day in and day out. 

I won't expect perfection of myself or others, and will allow space for us all to be the perfectly imperfect humans we are, recognizing it for the challenging task it is. I will practice forgiveness. I will speak my truth. I will seek solace when I succumb to despair, and then open once more to Spirit. And if there is more for me to do, and I am guessing there is, it will be made clear to me and the pathway illuminated through that connection. 

And if it all goes to hell in a handbasket? Well, I'll know I've used "my disposition and my gifts" to do what I could. I don't believe it will though, not when I hold the the long view. I choose to believe in possibility. I continue to commit to hope. 

Which leads me to this quote from Krista Tippett: "Hope for me is distinct from idealism or optimism. It has nothing to do with wishful thinking. It is a muscle, a practice, a choice: to live open~eyed and wholehearted in the world as it is and not as we wish it to be." 

Yes, I will do that. I would love to do it with you. Together, we can buoy one another. Together, we can practice love, love connecting to love, love strengthening love, love awakening love in the hearts of others.

Much love,

Leia