Healing Happens

Imagine the following~~

A smile slowly spreads across the face of a woman whose abuse began as a toddler as she realizes, at last, that she is precious.

Two individuals, followers of religions with conflicting creeds, each find release into a similar experience of peace or ecstatic union.
     
An atheist contemplates a color-composite image of the NGC 300 galaxy, seven million light years from Earth, and is spontaneously lifted from a depression that had convinced him of life’s futility.

A young mother, rushing through a chaotic morning, stops at a red light. The silhouette of an old cottonwood backlit by the morning sun breaks through her agitation and peace fills her.

These are only a few examples of a phenomenon that most of us have experienced. One moment, life is struggle. The next we are liberated and, even if it lasts for only a moment, we are changed.

           

As a psychotherapist, I’ve long been fascinated by the question of how such healing occurs. When I was new to this work, I thought it took great effort and studied my craft hard, believing the lion’s share of change was up to me. Now, 30~plus years later, I know otherwise. I have learned, quite simply, that healing happens. 

Whether it’s recovering from trauma or our human proclivity to become bogged down in the particulars of our lives, grace is always here, waiting to assist us. The same force that set the NGC 300 galaxy into motion pulses through every molecule of these stardust bodies of ours and fuels each action we take. It is ever present, always available, so close that it often breaks through on its own, suddenly, gloriously. Other times, we must clear a path.

           

When someone comes to me for therapy, the way has already been opened. Grace has been welcomed in and is free to move. Our task is to not impede the flow, opening again and again as we allow healing to unfold and marvel as layers fall away.

           

Life is often painful, with wounds coming in various flavors and from many sources. Self~protection is a normal response. But shields developed for protection become thicker with each subsequent hurt, until they, too, do us harm by preventing a full experience of living. Or perhaps our wound is of the rushing too fast to notice variety, and busyness itself is our shield. There seem any number of ways we can restrict the flow. Regardless of the particulars, life’s luster is diminished or seems always just beyond our reach.

           

There is another choice. We can open to grace and allow it to move through us, letting it dissolve our world~hardened edges. We can willingly place ourselves into hands larger and more capable than our own,  trusting the guidance and the pacing of the healing that will come. We can, in a word, surrender.

           

We are like infinitesimally small icy particles enveloped by a warm and luminous sea. Our task is to allow both the buoying currents and the crashing waves to melt us. Then we will know that luminosity is all.

           

Yes, healing happens. And on a weekend dedicated to the celebration of gratitude, that’s something to be thankful for.

So let us be thankful, my friends. And while we're at it, let's melt a bit more, too!

Love and gratitude for your presence in this world,

Loanne Marie

And for a view of the NGC 300, click here.

Welcoming the Light

As a psychotherapist who has somehow managed to develop a specialty in trauma work~~no conscious decision, this~~I routinely hear stories of sexual harm, beatings, witnessed murders, accidents and disasters, and wounding words. I have become skilled in listening intently without absorbing the other’s pain. I am certainly moved by the stories I hear~~ often deeply so~~but seldom do I become confused about whose trauma it is. I don’t make another’s pain my own.

The ability to be fully present yet unbound by the suffering before me is sometimes tricky, but after many years, I find it most often manageable. It is also essential. Folks heal, not through my collapsing into their pain, but by having a steady someone to walk with into the darkest places of their lives. They need me to be quite clear about this distinction. And as I said, I usually am.

However, occasionally someone comes into my life whose trauma goes well beyond the average soul piercings. These are folks who have sustained abuse of mammoth proportions. The world in which they were reared was so pervasively perverse that it left damage of a particularly all-inclusive kind. Their spirits seem shattered and their sense of self tenuous. Disorganization of this degree often leaves the simplest coping skills just out of reach.

And my own coping strategies can be overwhelmed through witnessing such devastation. I’m pushed to look into the face of a horror that is far easier not to see. Such experiences require me to use~~and to welcome~~all my resources simply to retain, and in some cases regain, my equilibrium.

After a session this week in which secrets were shared and the depth of the struggle to function laid bare, I found a heaviness had crept into my spirit. I recognized what was happening to me, but couldn’t seem to shake it. And a busy evening ahead was not going to allow me the time I needed to work it through, to let it go. Or so I thought.

As often happens, I was given exactly what I needed, this time in the form of a poem that came my way early that night~~Check, by James Stephens. The rich imagery describes a growing darkness that is not, however, able to obliterate the light of a single candle. I had my metaphor.

With that image, my focus changed. I remembered my own spark and chose to expand its brightness once again. I welcomed the larger Light into my own in order to dispel a darkness that, though cast on another’s flame many years ago, sought now to cover mine as well. And my candle grew bolder, more robust. I felt myself revivify and slough off the sludge I had unwittingly absorbed.

Long ago I realized I would never comprehend why some folks experience such grave misfortune while others do not. I also accepted that there is truly no reason I should understand, given that I am a soul immersed within her own phase of this journey. However, while such large issues are beyond me, I do know that our task is to align ourselves with the Light at each juncture. And I trust that when we do, we give that Radiance a greater access to our psyches and to our world.

Professionally, my job is to welcome the Light into the room. The experience I’ve gained over the years, the specific techniques I’ve acquired, and my intuitive sensibilities can all be seen as methods for enlarging the opening for Light through increasing the capacity to receive it. And when that Beam touches and illuminates the darkness, shattered spirits begin to heal, reuniting with that enduring essence within which was never harmed to begin with, just covered temporarily by muck.

The Light is there waiting, always. Our job is simply to open to it. Such is my belief and my experience.

Namaste!

Loanne Marie

Worry, Part III

In Part I and II of this series, I shared some thoughts on anxiety. I promised that this week I’d explore what can be done about this very human inclination which so effectively saps our energy reserves. But before moving on to solutions, I realized it would be helpful to look at the particulars of your unique brand of anxiety. So, this week’s blog will focus on how stress manifests in your life.

To this end, I suggest taking several days to simply observe your anxiety. During this assessment phase, don’t work toward making any specific changes. Simply notice. Allow yourself all your usual responses and watch how they each play out. Discern the behaviors you use to discharge or ease your agitation, as well as their effectiveness. Ask for feedback from others who know you well. It may be helpful to keep a mood journal, tracking each day’s observations.

Some particulars to note are:

• Physical cues. Be aware of the ways in which your body reacts. Does stress appear in the form of muscle tension, knots in your stomach, jumpy legs, hand twitching? Is your breathing shallow, quick, incomplete?
  
• Behavioral responses. Notice what behaviors you engage in. Do you fiddle with clothing or other objects when anxious? Do you talk more or withdraw? Do you become easily irritated and discharge your anxiety through anger? Do you eat more or less, use mood altering substances, zone out in front of the TV? Do these responses actually ease tension overall?
  
• Speech. Listen for evidence of an agitated or obsessive approach within the words you choose . Do you find yourself frequently beginning sentences with words such as, ‘I worry that...’? Do you find yourself often quoting Murphy’s Law and demonstrating in your speech that you expect problems to occur? Do you let loose with an expletive when you spill or drop something, or when things are not going as you think they ought?
  
• Mental Focus. Watch your thoughts. Do you play out specific scenarios, rehearsing future trials or replaying previous ones? Are you hyperaware of potential difficulties? Is energy wasted figuring out solutions for problems that have yet to occur--and likely won’t? Do you listen well to others and give your full attention to your activities, or is your mind repeatedly pulled back to upset?
  
• Psychological and spiritual perspectives. Become conscious of how a likely unconscious outlook colors your experience. What are your expectations of life, of this day before you? Do you have an approach that makes living more of a project or chore than an unfolding process? How much do you secretly believe that nothing can be done to decrease your stress level or improve your experience of life? Do you view life as a bitch or a beach? Review the psychological and spiritual components of anxiety detailed in Worry, Part II, and see which ones apply to you.
  
• Situational factors. Notice how you are affected by external realities. Are there certain situations in which you tighten up? Certain people who bring out this response? Is your anxiety affected by being hungry, rushed, tired, or overworked?
  
• External demands: Size up the realities of your stress. How urgent are the current claims on your energy? Are these real and unavoidable? Would someone looking in on your life from the outside agree that these demands cannot be minimized or managed a bit more effectively?
  
• Scheduling: Observe your use of time. How much of each day is spent in soothing activities? Do you make specific choices to care for yourself, or does self-care come only after everything on your to-do list is finished (that is, never!)? Do you unconsciously follow the desires of those around you in this way, adopting a passive approach to your own life?

With clarity on how anxiety makes its presence known and your response to it, we’ll be able to move into problem-solving mode next week. Until then, watch your anxiety and your responses to it.

Blessings!

Loanne Marie